


The Christmas Tree

by ptite_tete



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Crack, Gen, It's alive!, Not for Spock, The most wonderful time of the year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:38:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5505002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptite_tete/pseuds/ptite_tete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We go down, we take a tree, we get back. What could happen?" What, indeed...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Christmas Tree

**Author's Note:**

> It feels like the perfect time to dust off this old fic. Enjoy! :)

Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise shot a dazzling smile to his First Officer. "Relax, Spock. We go down, we take a tree, we get back. What could happen?"

If Spock had completely embraced his human side, he would have given into two urges: rolling his eyes, and enumerating (in chronological order, please) all the missions 'we-go-down-we-get-back' which had gone wrong. And there were a lot.

However, Spock was half-Vulcan, and he settled on slightly blinking to express his disapproval. It didn't affect Jim at all (Spock suspected that the captain had certainly not noticed anything), and some minutes later Spock found himself on the surface of the planet above which the Enterprise was stationed, following Jim Kirk and his axe, in total disrespect of the rules concerning the personal guard of the captain, on a planet _not_ part of the Federation.

Spock wondered once more why the captain had insisted on using an instrument so archaic. Curiously, he had not been satisfied by Jim's answer when he'd asked him. He somehow doubted that "Because it needs to be done like that!" was also an acceptable answer on Earth. He would have to ask Nyota when they returned.

"What do you think of that one, Spock?" Jim asked him, pointing to a young… whatever it was, it was green and had branches; it was all that was necessary.

"The size is suitable for the meeting room," Spock agreed, ready to accept anything so that Jim would again be aboard the ship, where trouble would be less inclined to find him.

"Alright!" Jim exclaimed while grasping the axe. "See, it didn't take long!"

In a perfect half-circle, the axe sank into the trunk of the tree with a satisfactory TOC!

What was less satisfactory, was the shrill scream rising from the plant when the axe cut into the bark. Spock clasped his hands on his ears, mentally swearing in all the languages he knew. Jim yelped when a branch suddenly struck him in the plexus. "Ooooh," he moaned, folded in two. "All right, we'll take another tree…"

The plant shivered, and crackles resounded around them. Spock, ears still ringing, quickly caught his phaser and his captain, and cast suspicious glances around them. Disconcerted, he lifted an eyebrow before turning to Jim, who was still holding his belly with a grimace. "Captain? We need to run."

Jim grumbled an agreement and a moment later both were running away – _making a strategic retreat_ – from a group of very angry trees raised on four enormous roots, their branches of apple green leaves shaking with fury. The small tree Jim had tried to cut down had not stopped its shrill scream, and the captain was adding his part by shouting to Scotty via his communicator to "get them back, dammit, and no, we can't _not_ move!"

When they were finally safely teleported aboard the ship and doctor McCoy was breathless from shouting about Jim's stupidity, Spock walked back with his captain to the bridge. Halfway, however, Jim paused abruptly. "I forgot the axe!"

Spock briefly closed his eyes.

"We can't leave it there," Jim decided. "It's too dangerous. Come on, Spock, we go down, we take it, and we get back. It won't take long…"


End file.
